Valentine's Day

February 14th used to be a day that brought dread and sorrow.  Being seemingly eternally single, I would dream of having a Valentine while sulking and cursing the day.  But in 2005 I met my first and only Valentine, my husband Jason.  I would like to say that Valentine's Day became magical from that moment on, but let me tell you a little about my husband:)  When I woke up yesterday I told him "Happy Valentine's Day", to which he responded with a grimace.  Well the romantic in me was hurt and "spirit-stomped".  His response was, "but I love you everyday, I don't need a special day to tell you that."   Well I was still hurt so I sulked for a while and looked up Valentine's blogs to get ammo for having a little chat about how Valentine's Day is important to girls regardless of what men think of it.  I found a great blog on fivelovelanguages.com which just basically told everyone to make the day special because it is good to have a day dedicated to love.  While on the site I took an assessment to find out my love language.  I discovered that I express and receive love through words of affirmation.  That is why it hurt that my husband wasn't excited about Valentine's Day.  I wanted him to gush over me with words about how much he loved, needed, and appreciated me.  But I also discovered that my husband's love language is acts of service.  I scored the lowest on that one -- ouch!  But it helped me to better understand his response to the holiday.  My husband shows his love for me and our children by going to work everyday, doing odd jobs to earn extra money, cleaning up the porch, filling my car with gas, and getting my car washed.  His actions that I used to consider everyday activities are his way of letting me know he loves me.  Now my challenge is to learn how to show him in his love language how much I love him. 
Oh and by the way, I got my wish for those mushy words:)  While my husband and I were reminiscing about how we met, he stopped and looked me in the eyes and said, "I am so glad you are in my life, you and the kids mean everything to me!"  Love tank = Full!  I love you Jason!

Marriage is Hard

My wise mother-in-law once said, "Marriage is hard. If people say it isn't, then they are lying to you!"  I haven't written a post in a few weeks because I have been in a wrestling match in my marriage.  I write this blog to be an encouragement and to bring practical advice on parenting and marriage, so I didn't want to write until I had a resolution to the problem.  Well I am hear to say that we haven't come up with a solution, but we did learn some valuable lessons along the way.  What the battle was over wasn't important but the outcome was: it is true that sometimes you really do have to agree to disagree.  I was trying desperately to help my husband see my side of the issue and he was trying just as hard to have me see his side.  I prayed to God and asked for Godly counsel and still couldn't come up with an ultimate resolution.  So what came of all of this?  We agreed to disagree, we asked God to give us grace to deal with each other and help to see the other's pain, and I asked a dear friend to be a prayer warrior for my marriage.  God never promised us all blue skies, but he did promise that he would never leave us nor forsake us.  God wants our marriages to succeed and if you ask him, He will help --  but don't for a second think it is going to be easy.  We are in a battle against unseen forces that desire our destruction.  Don't let them have your marriage.  Put on the full armor of God, ask for prayer from a prayer warrior, pray together as a couple, seek God in His word, and keep working on your marriage.  My in-laws have been married for almost 51 years that they are still learning how to treat each other and how to be better spouses.  The learning will never end and neither will the battle.  But Praise the Lord we have a strong defender on our side who has promised us victory if we stand firm!

Not a Bandwagon Mom

I do not consider myself a bandwagon mom.  I don't get caught up in the hype on just about anything, especially the fickle reviews on certain foods.  Take the incredible eatable egg -- one day it is as bad as a cheeseburger and the next it is a super food.  But one bandwagon I am jumping on is the Down-with-fructose bandwagon.  That stuff is in everything: your bread, coffee creamer, and your child's yogurt.  I am disgusted that the foods that I thought were decently healthy are just giving me more of the same.  I am happy to say that there are some products out there that don't have fructose in them, but you have to look pretty hard.  So I found a website that has a list of products to help save you some time and energy reading those labels.  Now remember that this list may not be completely accurate, so take a quick glance at those ingredients.  But I hope that this gets you started.  http://stophfcs.com/list.html
Now let's also remember that there is no substitute for just plain old fresh food.  Obviously there is no fructose in broccoli.  Fresh is best, but I know as a mom sometimes Jello Pudding Snacks can be your best friend when you are facing a cranky two year old.  I have decided that I am going to try trade some of my favorite products for similar ones that don't contain fructose.  I really think that I am addicted to it and that I eat more calories when I eat something with fructose in it.  My first step was buying bread without it, so that I start my day without fructose. 
I am hoping to report that I will feel more healthy, energetic, and in control of my cravings as I cut out the dreaded fructose. 

Why Lord

I just learned today that a dear friend of mine just buried her husband after a 6 year battle with cancer, leaving behind 3 year old and 1 year old children.  It is at times like these that we ask, "Why Lord?"  This man, Scott, was a loving father and husband whose love for his wife was so evident on his face.  I met him just once but I saw his love for Jenn just oozing from every pore.  And just last year my best friend's brother-in-law was taken to heaven leaving behind his wife Katie and their two daughters.  And just a few weeks ago I also learned that a couple that I went to college with have a 5 year old son who is in the fight of his life with a very aggressive form of cancer.  And again we ask, "Why Lord?". 
I have been struggling with this very question ever since my sister-in-law, Kara Schenk McCue, died in a horrific boating accident in 2006.  Her death rattled my faith in God more than any event thus far in my life.  I began to question God's love for us.  I have never doubted God's power, but I really didn't understand his reasons for what he does or doesn't do. I believe that God has the power to heal and to rescue, but will he?  And for some reason I have been really struggling with this just recently.  I didn't understand what good can come from taking believers from their families who love them so much and hurt so much when they leave. 
But God had begun to answer why in a way that only he can. 
My husband and I have been studying John and recently read the story of the death of Lazarus.  I hope that you will all read it.  But in it Jesus learns that Lazarus is ill yet he doesn't run to Lazarus's side to heal him.  He waits 4 days.  The Lord knew that Lazarus was dying but he waited. When Jesus does join the family, they are in deep mourning and are wailing.  Jesus is so moved by their sorrow that he weeps.  The creator of the universe wept for a man and his suffering family.  Jesus also said "it is for God's glory" and "so that you may believe," that this happened  This story brought me such comfort.  To know that Jesus weeps right along with us when we hurt.  And also that he knows the ultimate outcome.
I may never see in this life the reasons for the suffering of the saints but I will see in heaven the completion of each of these lives as we celebrate for eternity.  Even now as I type I think that God may be calling his saints home to save them for this world that seems to be so quickly decaying.  Maybe instead of thinking "why Lord" I should be asking "Why not me Lord"?
I hope that you are ready to go if He calls you home!  If you want to know how to accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior and have your name written down in the Book of Life, I would love to tell you how.  May God bless Jenn and her family and yours!

Sometimes You Just Need a Day Off

Sometimes you just need a day off.  I feel this about every 3 or 4 weeks.  But for us moms there is no such thing as a day off.  Everyday there are diapers to be changed, clothes to change, baths to give, dinners to make, lunches to pack, and dishes to wash.  Tonight I am reminded that Jesus understood this feeling.  There were many times that Jesus tried to get off by himself to pray and often he was followed by a crowd or by someone needing a healing.  He was, I am sure, physically exhausted and emotionally drained.  But the joy he felt in doing his father's work was all he needed to keep going. 

Lord I pray that you would help us moms.  We need an infusion of you.  I pray that you would help us to find the joy in doing your work, in being a helpmate to our spouses and being a mom to our children.  Give us renewed energy.  Help us to find strength from you and from other moms.  Help us to not waste time feeling sorry for ourselves, but help us to remember all the blessings we have.  And I do pray that you would give us moments of rest and relaxation, even if it is just a cup of coffee while looking over the weekly ads.  And help us to be an encouragement to others as we see them struggling.  Help us remember that you know each of our sorrows and pains, and that you walk right along side of us through those times.  Thank you for loving us.  Surround us with your love.  Amen

Ladies if you are feeling like you could really use a day off, I hope that this prayer helps you.  But I also hope that you call a girlfriend and have a physical person to lean on who gets it.  Try as they may our husbands just don't really get it sometimes; we need to talk to someone who has been there, done that.  We need someone to cry with us, get mad with us, and not tell us to buck up soldier!  Hang in there:)

Embrace Your Differences

When my husband and I first met we thought we had so much in common.  We have the same favorite ice cream: mint chocolate chip.  We both like to listen to music and watch crime shows.  We both grew up with parents that worked really hard to earn enough money to care for their kids.  We both have a strong work ethic.  We both love kids.  But the longer we have been married the more we realize how different we really are.  And we are also learning that that is a good thing.  As the Lord himself said, "It is not good for man to be alone.  I will make a helper suitable for him."  God didn't say, "I will make a helper that is just like him."  Why are our differences good?  Balance.  We balance each other's weaknesses and strengths.  My husband is an energetic person that runs at 100mph, crashes hard, and wakes up raring to go all over again.  I run at about 40mph.  I am pretty even keel and don't get too excited or worked up about much of anything.  My husband will go out and immediately buy something that we need without giving it a second thought.  I will go without in order to save money.  I will wear stained shirts until my husband forces me to buy new clothes.  We need these differences in personalities to make our marriage work and help our family survive.  My husband has made a lot of split second decisions that have saved us a lot of money and heartache.  He saved us from loosing all our investments when the economy turned south.  If I had been in charge of making that decision, I would have waited, prayed about it, asked family for advice, and procrastinated until it was too late.  But sometimes my desire to never spend money has helped us to not live above our means.  See we balance each other out.  Maybe it is the social worker in me, but I enjoy our differences; it is like a new case study everyday.  Sometimes those differences frustrate us and make us crazy, but I am truly thankful for the mate God has given me and even more thankful that he is not just like me.  Try to remember this when you are frustrated with your mate.  God didn't want him or her to think just like you do.  We would be in a real mess if they did.

Laughter Really is the Best Medicine

Before I had kids, I worked for Community Hospital in a partial-psychiatric-hospitalization program for kids.  I loved my job, but in it I often heard some really terrible stories about what some of our patients and their families have been through.  I worked with kids who by age 10 had already attempted suicide or experienced hallucinations that told them to hurt themselves or someone they love.  These heartbreaking stories could sometimes be overwhelming and there were times when you just wanted to cry.  The staff's remedy to crying and becoming bogged down was to laugh.  Now understand that we never laughed at a child's expense but we learned to laugh at some of the silly things that would happen or at funny things the kids would say.  We even taught the kids how to laugh at themselves.  Our motto was "laugh so that you don't cry".  I think that this is a great motto for life, especially motherhood.  We can choose to get overwhelmed by the mess and the annoying things our kids and husbands do, or we can laugh it off.  For example, just yesterday my daughter asked for a cookie.  I told her "No".  I went to check on my son and I heard a strange sound coming from our kitchen.  I ran in there to find my 2 year old daughter kneeling on top of the kitchen table trying to get the cookie container open.  Now I could have snatched her up and put her in timeout or sent her to her room, but instead I just laughed.  I thought about how ingenious she was to find her step stool and climb up and try to sneak a cookie.  Now I am not condoning what she did.  She was not following mommy's rule, but sometimes it is okay to just laugh.  It becomes especially important on those days where you know it is going to be a long day.  You have to go to the store and the bank and your husband needs his jeans washed and the house needs cleaned because you are hosting playgroup in the morning and you have church tonight, and you also need to go into work for just a couple of hours, oh and you need to figure out what is for dinner.   You know the kind of days I am talking about.  Learn to laugh so that you don't cry.  You will feel alot better.  Life is too short to take everything so seriously.  I would love to hear some of your stories about some funny things your kids have done, like coloring all over your walls:)