Family Time -- Does Anyone Know What That Is Anymore?

I spent the day hanging out with my 8 year old niece.  We played several board games and put together some puzzles.  I started reflecting on my childhood and the way my family spent their time.  Life seemed slower then.  And I didn't know all that I was missing out on growing up in a small town to parents who didn't have extra money for extra activities.  I had never been to a movie or a museum until we moved to Indiana when I was 7.  I didn't own a video game system until I was almost in high school (1994) and then it was an Atari from a garage sale.  I don't tell you these things because I am upset, I wish more kids today would grow up the way I did.  Kids today are inundated with technology and lack proper social skills because of it.  My parents spent time riding bikes with us and teaching us card games.  While doing those activities, conversations would naturally open about all of life's questions, like "Where did Grandma go when she died?", and "What do you think I should be when I grow up?".  I think we should reinstate game night.  Pull out all those games you loved as a kid, shut off the TV and the Wii, and have fun together.  Laugh, trash talk, win, loose.  Do it all.  Reconnect with your kids and your spouse.  Invite another family to join you.  You never know you just might have fun and want to try again sometime:) 

Beware the Silver Tongue

I was reading my Bible this morning and came across a verse in Romans that made me want to send a loud message to all my single friends -- and really all my married friends too.  Romans 16:18b, "By smooth talk and flattery they deceive the minds of naive people."  I have learned why the phrase "love is blind" started, because love really is blind.  We overlook the biggest of offenses when we are in love, sometimes to our detriment.  I send out a warning to us all: Beware the Silver Tongue!  If someone is full of flattery, they are not really complimenting you, but often they are out for what they can get from you.  I have watched many friends follow after a man who was a sweet-talker but was a villain in disguise.  Watch for the warning signs of controlling behavior.  Are they always checking up on you, what you are doing, where you are?  Are they asking you to break plans with friends and family to spend time with them all the time?  Are they asking for loans with promises of paying you back?  Be especially aware of someone who is acting like this and is married or you are married.  The Bible talks a lot about flattery and deception especially as it pertains to the adulteress.  But this advice covers a deceitful charming man too.  Also as a wife, watch out for other women who may be trying to flatter your husband.  Proverbs 5:3-6, "For the lips of an adulteress drip honey, and her speech is smoother than oil; but in the end she is bitter as gall, sharp as a double-edged sword.  Her feet go down to death; her steps lead straight to the grave.  She gives no thought to the way of life; her paths are crooked, but she knows it not."  Regardless of your place in life, as Proverbs 4:23 says, "Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life."  We have to be discerning and wise in our dealings with others.  Not everyone has our best interest in mind.  Don't be blinded by love, but love with wisdom.  You are not going to be able to change someone after you marry them.  I have heard it said that we should marry someone whose faults you can live with.  You can't love away an abusive, controlling, lying nature.  Only God can change a heart.

Farewell Breastfeeding Group

Well yesterday was the last Tuesday daytime breastfeeding group for St. Francis South.  It was such a bittersweet moment.  We ladies are excited to take up the torch and go help other new moms, but it was so sad to say goodbye to the great staff and some moms and babies we may not see again.  I know my daughter will really miss all the playtime with the other toddlers (and all the snacks). 
But what I really want to pass on to all of you is the importance of having contact with other people outside of your home especially when you are a new mom.  I know you are going to be exhausted, but having an outlet to express feelings and thoughts is so healthy.  That is why I am going to miss the group so much.  I have come to need that interaction on a weekly basis.  If you don't have a group or a friend that you can see on a regular basis, do a little research.  Look for a group at church or check out some mom social media sites.  One great program is M.O.P.S (Mothers Of Pre-Schoolers).  Look for playgroups or start your own.  Please don't isolate yourself.  Get involved.  And please add any ideas to the comment section.  Thanks

Post Partum Depression

This week at breastfeeding support group, we talked about Post Partum Depression.  I learned that Post Partum Depression is not exclusive to sad or depressed mood, but also to anxiety.  I listened as mothers told of terrifying anxiety they had experienced like having vivid images of the walls falling in on them or dropping their children down a flight of stairs.  I was shocked but also comforted because I too had been having these intrusive images pop up in my head.  I knew that the thoughts were probably related to anxiety but I am so frightened by the images and it was comforting to know that I am not abnormal and that I am not alone in my fears.  The counselor told us that if the thoughts keep us from enjoying time with our children or from doing our daily tasks, then we need to seek help.  Some other women said that they experienced greater anxiety and depression after weening their child.  The lactation consultant stated that often breastfeeding can help to ease the experience of Post Partum Depression, so it makes sense that weening can cause such a disruption. 
Here are some typical symptoms of Post Partum Depression/Anxiety:
worry/racing thoughts
anxiety/panic attacks
feeling overwhelmed
sad/hopeless
avoidant/withdrawn
difficulty sleeping or sleeping all the time
weight gain or loss
discomfort around the baby
irritability
difficulty interacting with baby
feeling of being on an emotional roller coaster
loss of interest or pleasure
fatigue
guilt/shame
possible suicidal thoughts

Now each of us new moms experience some or all of these symptoms at some point.  But if you are unable to function on a daily basis or if you cannot tell the difference between your rational and irrational thoughts, then please get some help.  Check with your local hospital.  Many of them offer support groups and counseling.  Also check out the Post-Partum Support International website for more information. 

Remember, you are not alone and you are not to blame for these feelings and with help you can get better!  Be well.

Infant Loss Support

I recently read an article in the Indy's Child magazine and I wanted to pass the information along.  Being a mom of very young children, I experience anxiety related to anything harmful happening to my child.  This is the closest I have come to experiencing the loss of a child.   My heart goes out to all the moms who have experienced this loss of a child of any age including in miscarriage.   Kari Bundy started Mason's Cause after experiencing the loss of her son Mason, at just 4 months old from SIDS.  Kari wanted to create a place for parents that contained all information related to the loss of an infant, like ideas for funeral arrangements and milk production.  The Web site, www.masonscause.org is divided into a "Surviving Tragedy" section for the immediate need of families and a "Hope and Healing" section that provides resources for healing.  They also can provide some financial assistance for families who cannot afford funeral costs.  This cause is so important.  I hope you will support this ministry and pass the info on to families who may need it.  The Web site also provides information for friends and family of the grieving family, on how best to support them. 
And Lord, I pray for all those families who have experienced the devastating loss of a child.  Lord you understand more than anyone the pain that they feel.  Comfort and keep them.  Amen.

Wonder

You know what I love about having kids?  I love that for them everything is new.  Everything is their first time.  I love watching my daughter notice the moon for the first time and how excited she still gets seeing it at night.  There is such wonder on her face.  We who are old have lost that wonder.  We look up and just see the moon.  Where did the excitement go?  Kids are great at helping us stop and wonder again.

Traditions

What are some of your favorite Christmas traditions?  One I started in my family is that my kids and I make an ornament every year.  I can't say that our time is always organized or that the ornaments are all that beautiful, but it is nice to reminisce each time we take the ornaments out.  We think about how much the kids have grown and how much better they have gotten at being creative and better at art in general.  One of my favorite childhood Christmas traditions was trying to put the verses of Twas the Night Before Christmas in order.  My grandma would type up the verses and then cut them out line by line and pass each line out to a different person.  Then as a family we would try to read the lines in order.  My uncle Lon started a tradition of bringing a new board game to our family Christmas each year.  I learned a lot about competition and using strategy during those games.  I also learned about my family:).  Traditions are so fun.  Tell me about some of yours.

How Much Is Too Much?

As Christmas quickly approaches, we start panicing about all the last minute gifts we still have to buy, and then the guilt of all the spending creeps up.  As a mom on a seriously restricted budget, I really struggle with the gift giving.  I want to give my kids great gifts to see them smile on Christmas and show them how much I love them.  But even as I type this, I realize that that is really not the point of Christmas.  Most kids, including my own, get so many gifts for Christmas that they forget the first 10 gifts as those get lost under the wrapping of the next 10.  I had a coworker that had a good idea about the amount of Christmas gifts -- 3!  His reasoning was that Jesus only got 3 so we don't need anymore than he had.  He also made specific criteria for each gift.  One had to be educational, and one had to be practical, and one could be something desired.  He even asked the grandparents to join him in this and asked them to only get his children 3 gifts too.  I have to say that I really like this idea.  It can maybe help us focus more on the real reason for Christmas, celebrating the birth of our Savior, and spending time with people we love.  I think the gifts sometimes take away from the festivities.  I remember one year, I was so mad at my aunt because she got me a doll that was a boy.  I threw a big fit and cried.  I didn't even deserve a gift.  That was my 4th family event where I had received gifts.  I don't remember any of the rest of the gifts I received that year, or frankly for most of my Christmas'.  The real memories are of times where my family invited the single ladies who had no family to share Christmas dinner with us.  Or the year that my cousins, whose mother had just passed away, spent Christmas with us and I had the flu.  I hope we can all scale back on the material gifts and focus on The Gift.  Merry Christmas!

Rewards for Shopping

My buddy Christa told me about a great program at Baby's R Us that helps you get free diapers.  I wanted to pass the news onto you.  You can sign up online at rewardsrus.toysrus.com under their rewards program.  One of the benefits is: buy 9 large boxes of diapers and get your 10th free.  They also give you coupons for diapers and let you use manufacturer coupons in conjunction with the store coupons.  There are other benefits but this one won me over.  Happy Saving.

The Working Mom

My best friend starts back to work tomorrow after a 4 month maternity leave.  I think she is such a brave person.  Since I have yet to experience this life transition, I cannot begin to understand the emotion and anxiety.  I would love to hear from you working moms about how you managed this big life change.  Please add a comment and give us all some advice and encouragement.  Tell us how you manage the housework, time with the hubby, and time with the kids.  Inquiring minds want to know.

The Downward Spiral

This morning I woke so tired, but after my weekend of self-indulgence I knew I had to get up and get motivated.  My motto was "one good choice leads to another".  I notice that one bad choice leads to a rapid downward spiral.  My son wakes me up 3 times during the night so I wake up tired.  Then I eat carb-rich foods to get energy to stay awake.  Then I crash and need more sugar, so I reach for some M&M's.  Then I feel bloated so I take GasX to feel better.  Then I stay up late because I need some downtime and I get a snack.  By the time I go to bed my pants are tight and I feel like an old lady.  Not today.  I write to inspire all of you but also to motivate myself.  "Weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning." Psalms 30:5b.  Each morning His mercies are new and so you should give yourself some mercy.  It is a chance to begin again.  Whatever habit you want to break or change, just get started.  And as the saying goes, if you fail, get right back on that horse.  It takes 28 days to break a habit, 6-8 weeks to make a new habit to replace the old, and only one day to screw it all up.  But keep some reminders around that will help you stay motivated.  Mark days off on the calendar.  Have a date to celebrate your success.  Have an accountability partner.  Ask a friend to join you in your habit changing.  You can do it!!  And if you have a bad day, start over tomorrow!